The GOP's "Minority Problem"

The Republicans have a problem. It's demographics. You see, only about 1 out of 4 Hispanics vote Republican, and among African Americans, it's about 1 in 20. Obviously, people with color aren't buying their message. Why? The Republicans think they need a better messenger to deliver their message of Social Darwinism for the poor and socialism for the rich. We who have (even if only seasonally) color "get it" but whites don't.

So, a bunch of Republicans have a meetup at a golf resort that was once a plantation to brainstorm. That's right, a plantation! The dilemma is that if they make any real attempt to sucker in minorities, they alienate their white base. You can't have both.

The conclusion of the meet at the plantation is that they need to recruit minorities to run for office as Republicans. There are some, but the untapped supply is low, kind of like haystack needles. Would this work? Almost certainly not. Well, let them waste time trying it. And I have a suggestion. Can't find minorities? Easy. You MAKE them! The answer as to how is hiding in plain sight, in the form of John Boehner. John Boehner goes and plays golf for 10 days, comes back with half of Obama's color, and scolds the Senate about not working. Kind of reminds me about the pot calling the kettle black. Play enough golf and get a good curly perm, and if needed brown eye tint contact lenses. Voila! Instant minority member! Will real minorities fall for it? Not hardly. They have a few real ones that are correctly seen as the Uncle Tom type, like Clarance Thomas, Allan West, Herman Cain, and Marco Rubio, a "Tio Tomas" type. And don't forget Bobby Jindal.

Until they change their tune, they will have to resort to gerrymandering, voter suppression, election rigging, and anything else their evil hearts come up with. But homebrew minorities won't work.